Hope doesn't spring when...

In our last blog we suggested that we consider making some relational resolutions. These kinds of resolutions will lead you into a deeper intimacy with your spouse. The skills we advocate to build trust and intimacy are found in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality...the great work Pete and Geri Scazzero are doing to grow us and mature us. 


Monique and I watched a movie last week titled Hope Springs, with Tommie Lee Jones and Meryl Streep. Have you seen this movie? It is a movie that clearly shows what results when a marriage becomes void of emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy. Most of the focus in the movie emphasizes the sexual relationship between the main characters, Arnold and Kay. Sex has vanished from Kay (Streep) and Arnold’s (Jones) marriage.  Their relationship bears a closer resemblance to roommates than a married couple since they don’t even sleep in the same room anymore (not because they dislike each other, but because Arnold says he has sleep apnea). 

Mark Gungor warns couples of this scenario in his marriage conference, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. He says this...

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Sexless marriage is defined as having sex less than ten times a year. Some couples say it’s a lack of time. If that’s you, read my post on Scheduling Sex. Others say they lack desire. For those of you stuck on that one, read the posts The Desire Myth and Sometimes Sex is Just Sex. Sex is very important in a marriage and I’ve written additional articles on the subject that you should check out in the archives of my Marriage Insights Blog.

Men and women give a variety of reasons as to why they are in a sexless marriage, but there is only one real cause: They STOP. Pretty simplistic reasoning, I know. Actually, in reality it’s usually because one person in the marriage says “no” and stops. For the purposes of writing this, I’m going to say that it’s the wife. I do recognize that in some cases, it’s the husband who won’t have sex, so try to flip-flop it and apply the concepts to your marriage.

The movie, Hope Springs, should be a wake up call for all of us in marriage. In discussing the movie together, Monique and I identified with the pathway that led Arnold and Kay into a sexless marriage. We have not gone long periods of time without talking about the state of our relationship, but have had periods of time when we disconnected physically and really didn't want to talk. 


It should be obvious to most married couples that the drift towards a sexless marriage is a possible reality without open communication and emotional health. If you are journeying down that path...see the end result by renting, Hope Springs. The reality for many men is that Hope doesn't spring when they experience rejection in the sexual relationship and Hope doesn't spring for women  when they don't have emotional intimacy with their man. The counsel in the movie is not what we would recommend...stay tuned to the blog for real hope in marriage.