Have you ever played the blame game in your marriage? I have and it gets me nowhere but in deeper relational trouble with my wife. Instead of taking responsibility for my actions or inaction, I place blame on something or somebody else. Yikes!
A couple of weeks ago Monique and I were spending a Sat. evening watching the U.S. Open women's championship tennis match between Serena Williams and Naomi Osaka. Naomi was playing for the first time in a U.S. Open championship, she's just 20 years old, while Serena is notably one of the greatest women's tennis players of all time. Serena was Noami's idol as a young girl playing tennis.
Watch here as Serena allows her frustration in her play, she had lost the first set, to build up and then get triggered by the umpire's calling a coaching violation against her. The emotions escalate from there and it gets ugly as BLAME rears it's ugly head.
This scene caused us to reflect on the relational reality of how shame is triggered and a common undesirable effect pops up, BLAME, which further distances us from our spouse. If left unresolved, blaming will create a relational chasm between us and intimacy will disappear.
What has been your experience with BLAME in relationships? How have you resolved the "BLAME" game?
Let's talk about it next time.
Last time we talked about the distortions created by sin that goes unresolved. We aren't able to see clearly because our sin triggers our shame and it becomes our core identity. We don't see others (our husbands or wives) as they truly are and we don't see ourselves clearly. Our friend John Lynch says it like this in this brief video titled; "Why do I Hide?"
Grace lets God handle sin. Grace melts masks. Grace changes how we treat each other and our sin issues. #trueface
Living in the truth, how God sees us even on our worst day, gives us incredible new lens by which to view ourselves and the ones we love so dearly. It is the affordable (free) laser heart surgery we all need. Let's talk more next week about how we can live in God's grace daily.
Vic and Monique
We are all about helping your marriage thrive.