Monique's Story
My story begins as one who grew up always searching for approval. I had two parents who loved me, but a Dad who struggled to show it to his wife and children. I was starving for his approval most of my childhood…therefore always looking to please him by succeeding…trying to be perfect in everything I did. I guess you could say I became an achievement junkie. All my peace and hope was sought in “circumstance”. What a roller coaster ride it was. I worried so much about everything. I was so dependent on the praise of others. On the outside, things may have looked okay because I did so “well” by the world’s standards, but inside I was empty, hurting and lonely.
I believe the most painful and shameful memory of my life is what drew me to my knees to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. I went off to community college in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho on a basketball scholarship. There I met Vic, now my husband of 25 years. Unfortunately it is not a story you would want for any of your children…nor mine, but it is what it is and God has redeemed our lives. Vic was married and my coach. I was drawn to him, looking for that “male approval and encouragement” and the bottom-line is that this led to ripping apart a family.
After transferring to another community college,Vic divorcing his wife and relocating as well, I was offered a scholarship to Seattle Pacific University and much financial aid. As it seemed to be the only open door, I was on my way to a school that I was petrified to attend. I thought it was going to be “halo land”. I was so ashamed of what had happened with Vic and assumed that I would not fit in…I felt stuck and was living in fear. God blessed me with a roommate completely unlike me, in any way, especially in regards to interests, personality etc. She was one of the “Christians” and I was definitely not! I kept waiting for her to get mad at me and tell me I was “bad” or hit me over the head with the Bible. However, she obviously knew I was hurting and showed me kindness. She loved me with His love…gave me a Bible, underlined verses….and was available to talk, answer questions and build a relationship. Not once did I feel condemned, pressured to change or unloved in her presence. Not once.
That year, as Vic shared in his testimony, we both accepted Christ. I was surrounded by people who loved me and was protected from any judgmental types. Slowly my guard came down. One by one bricks that had formed a fearful, defensive wall crumbled to the ground. There in the midst of the rubble it seemed as if Jesus was standing there in front of me with His arms open wide saying, “ I just want to love you kid.” Later that week a pastor came to speak at our campus, sharing more about “this Jesus”. I yearned for the love, joy and forgiveness I was hearing about. I was starving for this in my own life. That night marked a changing point for me as I invited God into my life. I began to experience the forgiveness of my sins, freedom and a joy that filled my heart.
One year later, Vic and I married and moved to Friday Harbor after I graduated from college…actually, Vic already had a teaching job on the island. I came to join him after completing school and getting married in July of ’92. It was very exciting and I was so grateful for this time in our lives.
After about 4 years into our marriage, something seemed to change. We slowly pulled away from others in Christian circles. We couldn’t seem to get ahold of this “Christian life” and often felt defeated, falling short of Godly standards, trying to make things happen in our own strength. I personally couldn’t “control my sin” or “fix” everything. I started experiencing disillusionment and second guessing our marriage. “You should have never gotten married…it wasn’t right in the first place…wouldn’t it just be easier to drop this…wouldn’t it be better with another man?” ALL these lies I began to believe which led to a separation and me moving out of the house. I left Vic with two very precious daughters. Our one year old Ellie and my wonderful 15 year old step daughter Erin.
God used my sister-in-law to intervene. She wrote me a letter challenging my decision to leave, which Vic shares in his testimony. Most powerful of all was the voice of a child in the midst of this crisis. The child was Erin. I asked her how she was doing. She responded by saying, “My life feels like a soap opera…first everything happened with you and my Dad and it was very difficult and hard. When you moved to Washington, things seemed to settle down. Then, you accepted Christ Mo and I could see things were different, so no, I don’t understand why you and my dad can’t make it work. I forgive you Mo and I don’t want Ellie to grow up the same way I did, wondering which parent is going to pick her up at daycare. I don’t want that for her.” I sat there speechless. What could I say? She had seen Christ, how could I argue with that? In my ignorance and pride, I assumed that I would be able to convince her of my position, explaining why our marriage wouldn’t work. After all, I was the adult and she a child, of course she would see it my way. I couldn’t have been more wrong! In that moment, the Lord pierced my soul, drawing my heart back to Him like a prodigal daughter.
In the days, weeks and months to come, Vic and I experienced a healing and reconciliation that would forever change our lives, continuing to this day. Upon my return home, a new life began. I could fill up countless pages of God’s faithfulness in our lives as we turned to Him. This includes the birth of our youngest daughter Carly, who never would have been born had our marriage ended. I could not imagine the Woodward Family without her! God has made beauty out of ashes in our lives…literally…and He offers this to anyone who will come and drink of the Living Water.
Scripture says that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. It has taken me awhile to believe this is true for my life and our marriage. As our desire to pour into other hurting marriages grew, so did the opportunities for marriage ministry. I used to say to myself, “We are not qualified to help others, we have made too many mistakes and we have far from a perfect story...why us?” As our marriage grows and we continue trusting in Him, I realize it is not about us or a perfect story. It’s about a perfectly loving God who takes broken lives, mends them back together again and gives hope to the hopeless and turns our sadness into joy.
I believe the most painful and shameful memory of my life is what drew me to my knees to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior. I went off to community college in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho on a basketball scholarship. There I met Vic, now my husband of 25 years. Unfortunately it is not a story you would want for any of your children…nor mine, but it is what it is and God has redeemed our lives. Vic was married and my coach. I was drawn to him, looking for that “male approval and encouragement” and the bottom-line is that this led to ripping apart a family.
After transferring to another community college,Vic divorcing his wife and relocating as well, I was offered a scholarship to Seattle Pacific University and much financial aid. As it seemed to be the only open door, I was on my way to a school that I was petrified to attend. I thought it was going to be “halo land”. I was so ashamed of what had happened with Vic and assumed that I would not fit in…I felt stuck and was living in fear. God blessed me with a roommate completely unlike me, in any way, especially in regards to interests, personality etc. She was one of the “Christians” and I was definitely not! I kept waiting for her to get mad at me and tell me I was “bad” or hit me over the head with the Bible. However, she obviously knew I was hurting and showed me kindness. She loved me with His love…gave me a Bible, underlined verses….and was available to talk, answer questions and build a relationship. Not once did I feel condemned, pressured to change or unloved in her presence. Not once.
That year, as Vic shared in his testimony, we both accepted Christ. I was surrounded by people who loved me and was protected from any judgmental types. Slowly my guard came down. One by one bricks that had formed a fearful, defensive wall crumbled to the ground. There in the midst of the rubble it seemed as if Jesus was standing there in front of me with His arms open wide saying, “ I just want to love you kid.” Later that week a pastor came to speak at our campus, sharing more about “this Jesus”. I yearned for the love, joy and forgiveness I was hearing about. I was starving for this in my own life. That night marked a changing point for me as I invited God into my life. I began to experience the forgiveness of my sins, freedom and a joy that filled my heart.
One year later, Vic and I married and moved to Friday Harbor after I graduated from college…actually, Vic already had a teaching job on the island. I came to join him after completing school and getting married in July of ’92. It was very exciting and I was so grateful for this time in our lives.
After about 4 years into our marriage, something seemed to change. We slowly pulled away from others in Christian circles. We couldn’t seem to get ahold of this “Christian life” and often felt defeated, falling short of Godly standards, trying to make things happen in our own strength. I personally couldn’t “control my sin” or “fix” everything. I started experiencing disillusionment and second guessing our marriage. “You should have never gotten married…it wasn’t right in the first place…wouldn’t it just be easier to drop this…wouldn’t it be better with another man?” ALL these lies I began to believe which led to a separation and me moving out of the house. I left Vic with two very precious daughters. Our one year old Ellie and my wonderful 15 year old step daughter Erin.
God used my sister-in-law to intervene. She wrote me a letter challenging my decision to leave, which Vic shares in his testimony. Most powerful of all was the voice of a child in the midst of this crisis. The child was Erin. I asked her how she was doing. She responded by saying, “My life feels like a soap opera…first everything happened with you and my Dad and it was very difficult and hard. When you moved to Washington, things seemed to settle down. Then, you accepted Christ Mo and I could see things were different, so no, I don’t understand why you and my dad can’t make it work. I forgive you Mo and I don’t want Ellie to grow up the same way I did, wondering which parent is going to pick her up at daycare. I don’t want that for her.” I sat there speechless. What could I say? She had seen Christ, how could I argue with that? In my ignorance and pride, I assumed that I would be able to convince her of my position, explaining why our marriage wouldn’t work. After all, I was the adult and she a child, of course she would see it my way. I couldn’t have been more wrong! In that moment, the Lord pierced my soul, drawing my heart back to Him like a prodigal daughter.
In the days, weeks and months to come, Vic and I experienced a healing and reconciliation that would forever change our lives, continuing to this day. Upon my return home, a new life began. I could fill up countless pages of God’s faithfulness in our lives as we turned to Him. This includes the birth of our youngest daughter Carly, who never would have been born had our marriage ended. I could not imagine the Woodward Family without her! God has made beauty out of ashes in our lives…literally…and He offers this to anyone who will come and drink of the Living Water.
Scripture says that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him. It has taken me awhile to believe this is true for my life and our marriage. As our desire to pour into other hurting marriages grew, so did the opportunities for marriage ministry. I used to say to myself, “We are not qualified to help others, we have made too many mistakes and we have far from a perfect story...why us?” As our marriage grows and we continue trusting in Him, I realize it is not about us or a perfect story. It’s about a perfectly loving God who takes broken lives, mends them back together again and gives hope to the hopeless and turns our sadness into joy.