Companionship...

​We are talking about a husband's needs and expectations of his wife in marriage. Dave Willis, in his blogpost, addresses specifically what husbands need, want and expect from their wives. (in no particular order). He suggests there are 5 key needs, wants or expectations husbands have for their wives. Here they are:

1) Companionship
2) Respect
3) Sex
4) Domestic support
5) Commitment  

I'd like to start with companionship, and suggest it should land near the top of any list. I think we can safely substitute the word friendship for companionship here for our purposes. According to research by Dr. John Gottman, long-term vitality and connection is maintained through moments of intentional friendship woven throughout the course of your relationship.

Below are five simple ways to strengthen the friendship in your marriage, taken from Liz Higgins great article, 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen the Friendship in Your Marriage. 
1. Make small moments into pivotal experiences.

This is when the intentional work of maintaining your marital friendship is most important. Couples in long-term relationships must learn to make the seemingly small and mundane moments actually pivotal moments that show your partner you are in tune with their world.

In Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, we call this attunement. You intentionally take the time to tune in, actively listen to, and respond to your partner in a way that leaves them acknowledged and heard. This takes practice, as it does't come naturally for the majority of us. 

2. Express genuine interest in your partner.
Do you do fun things together during your free time? You don’t have to have the same interests as your partner, but you can absolutely enjoy time spent together by engaging in one of their (or your) interests.

3. Make everything positive in your relationship foreplay.
As contrary as it may sound, the smallest ways that you acknowledge your partner’s questions and expressions are the most significant in strengthening and securing your physical bond. According to Dr. Gottman’s research, there is actual legitimacy to the “romance starts in the kitchen” mantra.
Daily experiences like doing the dishes, folding laundry, watching TV, or cooking together can be opportunities for a deeper connection to occur. These can be moments to share about your day, talk about your goals, or simply to check in on how each other is feeling.

4. Make your friendship unconditional.
When you think of your closest friends, you probably know that there are few things (if any) that could dissolve the bond between you. There is an acceptance of your differences, an understanding that you may disagree on certain issues but love each other nonetheless.
Simply bringing this mentality into your marriage will do wonders for your connection and romance. Recognizing that you will have differences in opinion and ways of addressing certain issues that come up throughout your life can allow you to explore your partner in a different way.
Work stress, issues with the kids, issues with other family members, and so many other things can overflow into your marriage. There should be no conditions when it comes to showing up for your partner. Treat your partner with the same understanding and unconditional support as you would hope to receive from them.

5. Be on your partner’s team.
This goes beyond being able to accept your differences. When it comes to you and your partner versus the world, you should always take the side of your spouse. Never side with the enemy.
Show genuine interest in being on your partner’s side, and never do or say things that could leave them feeling insignificant or alone. Stand up for your partner when you see them feeling uncomfortable in a social setting. Ground yourselves in your relationship by reminding your partner of your future goals when they are doubting themselves.

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True friends are never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart.  Helen Keller