In this post we will look at the behaviors which are symptoms of the unresolved sin that ultimately hardens the heart in marriages and other relationships. My friends at Trueface say it like this:
"When we trust our own ideas about how to handle our guilt or hurt, we allow something much worse to be released in us. Suddenly guilt and hurt ignite our shame, with its many ugly children, including manipulation, lies, blame, fear, denial, anger, control and many more." from Behind The Mask
Guilt and hurt open the door to our shame, a place of hiddenness where manipulation, control, lies, blame, fear, denial, anger, and many more behaviors emerge, which will harden hearts. If we are on the receiving end of these attitudes and actions we definitely don't feel loved. Unfortunately, we don't know what to do with it, so as suggested above, "we trust our own ideas about how to handle it." Bad plan, because we can't handle it. Our ideas usually result in defensiveness and self-protection patterns learned in our childhood., YIKES!, can you feel your heart harden?
Mask wearing (false identity) becomes our way of coping with guilt and hurt. it is a way of hiddenness. It is driven by our shame (an inner sense that we are not enough, not good enough). There is a way out, but it is counterintuitive. The answer is in this quote from my friends at Trueface.
Love, the first gift of grace, acts as a solvent to lift our masks.
We will talk more about this incredible "solvent" next time.
Vic and Monique
We are all about helping your marriage thrive.