What does this loving safety net look like?
How do you create this space in your marriage?
You have to trust that God loves you in this way (He is our safety net) and you are not defined by the struggle, your performance, your failures or successes, whatever they are.
What does this safety net look like in the reality of marriage? Monique's love for me continues to catch me in my fall towards letting food be my go-to for comfort from worry and stress. My life-long pattern has been to turn to food to quiet my anxiousness. I can unconsciously snack on chips, cookies, crackers and nuts for hours.
When I would share my struggles, she used to try and 'fix" me. I would make many personal declarations to get on a healthy track "starting tomorrow”, which were often met with criticism.
It has been a journey for me in discovering that I can't conquer this struggle by mustering up more will power. We have realized that; Criticism and trying to "fix" one another doesn't work.
Grace changes how we see each other and our sin issues.
Grace produces the "safety net". We began to see ourselves as God sees us. Currently I've stopped making the "declarations" and I feel freedom to share the ongoing struggle with Monique. I'm on a journey with her and Jesus, walking towards wholeness one day at a time.
The "solvent", love, is applied when we take the risk and be vulnerable enough to receive it. Brene Brown in her wonderful book titled: Daring Greatly, says this; “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
Isn't that what we see one of Jesus' cornerstone parables; The Prodigal Son? (Read the story here - Luke 15:11-32) The lost son is in a place far away, awakening to his reality, in vulnerability (shame) he returns to the father. (See photo above) The son, not expecting to be greeted in love, is humbled and receives the love of the father. It is a powerful story of the love of God for all of us, a love that melts masks and gives us grace to be who we were created to be in our original story. The quote below is another way of expressing what we see in the Prodigal Son story, from our friends at Trueface.
Love acts as a safety net when we admit the truth about ourselves.
In the Prodigal Son story and in our story, we see that the father doesn't define the son by the sins he committed. He accepted the son just as he was and moved toward him in love. The same is true for us in marriage. When we live in a grace-filled marriage, an environment of grace, "one of the greatest gifts we can offer our spouse is a safe place to fail." The Cure, authors John Lynch, Bill Thrall and Bruce McNichol.
Grace lets God handle sin.
The above statements come from the heart of The Father through our friends at Trueface. Let's dive into to these practical life giving truths next time. A wonderful dive via film that will stir your soul is The Heart of Man, a gift to humanity in these times. See the trailer below and then go see the movie.
Vic and Monique
We are all about helping your marriage thrive.